


November 2nd

by SharkEnthusiast



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absent John Winchester, Anxious Dean Winchester, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Child Neglect, Dean Winchester Has Issues, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, M/M, Pining, Protective Dean Winchester, Teen Castiel (Supernatural), Teen Dean Winchester, Teenagers, mention of child neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18983803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkEnthusiast/pseuds/SharkEnthusiast
Summary: "Sometimes" Dean tells Cas, whiskey heavy and sharp on his tongue. "I feel like the world is about to end and there isn't anything I can do about it." He takes another draw from the bottle and laughs again. He leans closer to Cas, so close he can see the gold mixed into blue in his eyes and smell the Cas smell and feel the heat radiating off of him. "The worst part is that most of the time I can't even bring myself to care."





	November 2nd

It is November 2nd, 13 years since his mother died, and Dean thinks that at any moment the world might implode. 

His father went out drinking last night and Dean knows that he won't be back for another couple of days so he drops his younger brother Sam off at the middle school, then turns around and goes home. 

Dean feels like the world might implode because 13 years ago to the day his mother died. And he sure as hell didn't see it, but he could hear her,  _ hear her burning _ , and he still hasn't gotten the sound out of his ears. 

He feels like the world might implode because his dad is always sad and always gone and left him and Sammy for 3 months last year with no supervision and not a lot of money. (Sometime in between month one and two, Dean had to reserve to shoplifting pop tarts from the mini mart. By month three, Dean was almost starved to death.) (Not that he'd ever tell Sam that)

He feels like the world might implode because he raised Sam and Sam still doesn't understand why Dean is so overprotective of him. 

He feels like the world might implode because his best friend in the whole world is in love with him and Dean isn't quite sure what to do with that. 

He gets the half water half whiskey from the top shelf of the linen closet, ignores the burn of it going down his throat and laughs about that for a bit.

Sammy texts once he's out of school that he's going out with friends and Dean takes another swig because that makes some part of him ache and he's never been one for pain.

He's halfway through the bottle when the doorbell rings and so Dean stumbles to go get it and isn't the least bit surprised when it's Cas.

"Heya." He says, then laughs when he sees Cas' eyes get sad and concerned.

"You shouldn't be drinking, Dean." He tells him, but Dean waves him off. Takes another sip, hands finally not shaky anymore.

"Whiskey never did anyone bad." He starts to hum Poison Whiskey by Lynyrd Skynyrd under his breath and giggles.

"Okay, maybe it did." 

Cas looks a mix of annoyed and worried and sad and that's also funny that he can express all that at the same time so Dean laughs again.

They are standing in the middle of a empty, run down house in the rundown state of Kansas on the rundown planet that is called earth.

 

Dean has never felt so overflowing and big in his life.

  
  


"Sometimes" Dean tells Cas, whiskey heavy and sharp on his tongue. "I feel like the world is about to end and there isn't anything I can do about it." He takes another draw from the bottle and laughs again. He leans closer to Cas, so close he can see the gold mixed into blue in his eyes and smell the Cas smell and feel the heat radiating off of him. "The worst part is that most of the time I can't even bring myself to care."

 

Cas' pretty blue eyes look sad and that makes another part of Dean hurt too, so he downs the rest of the bottle with a gulp.

"Come on, Dean." Cas says, fake exasperated.

Dean puts up a finger to stop him from talking.

"And the worst part is that you are my best friend and you're in love with me and I don't really know how to feel about that."

Cas' face smooths for a second.

 

_ Ha, angel, finally something you didn't know I knew. _

Dean keeps his finger up and swallows again, residual whiskey burning his throat.

 

"And the worst part is that sometimes I get sad about that for some reason and sometimes when I'm around you I feel like I'm burning alive or drowning but sometimes it's not even the bad kind of burning alive or drowning."

 

Dean watches as the corners of Cas' lips quirk up.

"There's a good kind of burning alive or drowning?" he asks Dean and he nods. 

"Always." 

 

None of them talk.

 

Just stare.

(Staring contests aren't hard when you're looking at the prettiest person you've seen in a long time)

 

Dean clears his throat and reaches for the whiskey bottle even though its empty.

He stares for a little longer.

 

_ I want for you to kiss me. _ Dean thinks. Wants to say. 

Not a whisper. A loud, real, statement, one that Cas doesn't have to ask him to repeat.

_ I want for you to kiss me and I've only wanted that since today and I know when I'm not drunk I won't but right now, Cas, just to make things a little better, I want you to. _

 

The words catch in his throat.

Heavy and stained with alcohol.

Resting at the bottom of his stomach.

He wants to say them. 

  
  
  
  
  


He hums hey Jude to Cas instead.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
